Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
