I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
