My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
