I'm drive I can fine osifer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
