The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
