fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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