I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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