Non-Jews are for practice
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
