i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
