I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
