I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize