How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
