After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize