I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
