you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
