So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
