My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
