This house was built for laser tag.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
