I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
