The maid of honor just puked.
another moral hangover. fuck.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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