just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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