There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The adults are the big ones right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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