My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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