he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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