pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
