so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
