I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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