Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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