I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
PANTIES FOUND
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