I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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