Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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