It's Friday. Sex?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
