She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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