One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
