i permit you to call me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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