You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
