Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize