his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
