May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
