Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
