You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
