I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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