we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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