i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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