It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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