Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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