toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
