To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
