My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
