Will you blow on my dice?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
