We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize