why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
