New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im six kinds of drunk right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
