man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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