Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
