ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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