get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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