According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
