If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
