He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
