Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
