quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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