i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When are your genitals available?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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