Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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