My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
