Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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