Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize