Your tits are I can't wait for
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He better not be in your backpack
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
