The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
